Word to your Mummy

At the frontline of middle class parenting

Child Free Time

My husband is insistent, “Take some time off from the kids,” and with that he shoots out the door to have a far more relaxed and memorable three hours with them than I can ever manage. As I close the door behind me I scan the landscape in the house and immediately start to stack the dishwasher & hang out the laundry. I’m just going to do these two jobs, […]

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ABC

ABC My husband walks upstairs empty handed. He just walks up two flights of stairs from bottom to top and is empty handed and carefree the entire way up. Why does he do this? Why would he test my resolve in this way? He knows we subscribe to ABC in this house. ABC is a fun concept I developed back in 2012 when I discovered all my friends who were […]

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The Earnest Toddler

Back in 1983 our parents had it easy. Sure, they didn’t have disposable nappies or Netflix but nor did they have to endure all the Good Parenting sincerity we have now. They were blissful in their ignorance & enjoyed a simpler approach. They didn’t need to worry about Twitter trolls, creating healthy balanced diets or exercise. They didn’t need to concern themselves with mundane activities like installing a child seat […]

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The Six Types of Mum we Love to Hate

Of course motherhood is a warm and inclusive community with sisters sharing their advice and any hang ups from the past, a distant memory. Right? Well here’s the thing. Becoming a mother doesn’t mean that those annoying people become less annoying. It’s worse than that; those annoying people now have a new platform from which to exercise their twenty shades of annoying. And then on top of that being a […]

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6 Surprising Perks of Motherhood

Motherhood is not without its hardships; sleepless nights, financial ruin & toddlers ruling your life like little dictators. But it’s not without a few surprising benefits too. 1. You can get out of any social event: As much as we like to pretend otherwise, making plans when you’re a parent is a bit of pain; not only have you got to coordinate diaries and chuck half your monthly pay packet […]

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Middle of the Road

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There are plenty of articles that can tell you the tell tale signs that you live with a toddler; sticky handprints on the wall, loo roll RE-ROLLED by hand back onto the inner cardboard tube and small plastic figurines strewn all over the kitchen floor. But how can you tell the really important things about your toddler like his views on the world and his place within it; his social […]

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Look Who’s Talking

One great benefit of having children is you no longer need to talk to your partner directly ever again. Why bother, when you can communicate everything via your children as long as your partner is in ear shot? In fact, you can apply this means of communication to all your friends and even total strangers by just making sure they are in close range while you say what you daren’t […]

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The 90s Revival

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The 90s are back in fashion, complete with oversized logo sweatshirts, DM boots and spaghetti strap floral print dresses with tight white t shirts underneath. It’s enough to put a mother off fashion entirely. I was young enough in the 80s to be able to cope with the irony of that particular revival and got a warm glow to see neon fingerless gloves back in the shops along with Hello […]

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The end of the Hipster Parent

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When a new bar opened in Eastenders and Sharon started serving drinks in jam jars, there was a social media frenzy; it marked the beginning of the end for the hipster. Shoreditch already feels like a brand as manufactured as One Direction or Starbucks with its “dirty burgers”, paint by numbers gritty urban decay and affluent young men and women dressed (ironically) as if they are homeless, who tell you […]

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Making a Mumback: Part 2

The week before you return to work from maternity leave with your first child is filled with dizzying highs and terrifying lows. Going back a second time seems even harder and it’s not just double the guilt. I feel more disconnected from the workplace and don’t even recognise the team. I am nervous, lack confidence and have zero to wear. I am like the friend of a friend’s fifteen year […]

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